DODGY DINO DOESN'T SHOW

How I nearly met Dino Livanidis.

by Neil Jenman

Aside from the occasional Friday night raffle at the Wowan pub, I never win anything. No lotteries, no horse races, no keno, no nothing.

So, imagine my delight when I received a phone call saying my family had been specially selected to receive very important information on how to save tax and how to pay off our home loan sooner.

I asked the caller (a lady from India by the name of Amanda Walker; yeah, right) why I was I so lucky to have been chosen.

Well, she said, it was a random selection process. They called 500 people (out of the 157,000 in my area) and chose just ten. I was one of the lucky ten to receive this very important information "absolutely free". It was a "one-time promotional offer with no obligation."

"Oh, Amanda, thank you so much. I am thrilled. I never win anything. This is the first time in my life. I am so happy. I can hardly talk. Hang on while I go and tell my wife. HONEY, WE'VE WON!"

At one stage I wondered if I was gushing too much. Would Amanda cotton-on?

Apparently not, because she told me that she had "a specialist in my area". More luck for me.

We made a time for 3.15 on Monday afternoon.

Just after lunch on Monday, I got another call from another lady from India.

Me: Hello.

Caller: Hello, this is Kate from Information Customer Services. How are you today?

Me: Good, thank you.

Kate: That's good, I am calling to confirm the name of the specialist who will be vesting you and your wife today at 3PM.

Me: Yes, but it's 3.15.

Kate: Okay, 3.15 and his name is Dino.

Me: Sorry?

Kate: Dino. D-I-N-O.

Neil: As in the Flintstones' pet dinosaur?

Kate: [Puzzled Pause]. I hope both you and your wife are home and available at 3.15 today.

Well, of course, when I make an appointment I keep it.

About an hour before the confirmed time, Kate rang and said Dino was delayed and wanted to change the time. We agreed on the same time tomorrow.

The previous caller, Amanda, could not (or would not) tell me the name of the company. This time, I insisted. I didn't want strangers coming to my family home.

HPG, she said.

What does that mean?

Heritage Property Group.

And do they have a web site? After much shuffling, she gave it to me. www.hpig.com.au.

Over the next few hours, I did some research. The CEO of the Heritage Property Investment Group is Terry Livanidis. His brother's name is Dino Livanidis.

Ah, that must be the Dino who's coming to see me.

More checking.

Three years ago, Dino Livanidis was "offering a One Time Limited Offer" - a chance to have a personal "One on One Meeting with you". Back then he said, "This offer is only for a limited time, so be sure to book in your home consultation with me."

Well, either the offer was not limited as Dino claimed or he decided to extend it for several years which, really, makes Dino look dreadfully dodgy.

As I read on, however, I realised that not only was Dino dodgy, he seemed about as sharp as Fred Flintstone's pet dinosaur of the same name.

I mean, really, how sharp a spruiker are you to offer a free in-home consultation to Australia's premier spruiker buster?

Like a lot of spruikers, Dino offers a "Free Report". He calls it "The Ultimate Guide To Property Investment In Australia". Get it quickly because - as he states in bold red type - "Before the Authorities ban it." Oh, purlease!

Well, because Dino was scheduled to come to my place, I thought I'd better read his ultimate report with all those secrets that millionaires use to get rich.

Having read the report, I confess that I agree with Dino - the authorities should ban it. And, no, not because it's filled with poppycock but because it's riddled with dreadful grammar and horrendous spelling mistakes. The education of society is under threat from Dino.

Here's a small sample of Dino's prose…

… "it gives you an idea of where your are at"

… "where yo would like to be"

But, seriously, it's the dodgy financial advice that's much more of a worry.

Dino's "secrets" are a contorted concoction of banality, stupidity and absurdity.

There's the usual rubbish about how property doubles every 7-10 years and absurd assumptions such as, "If your investment of $300,000 increases in value by just 10%, that's $30,000 profit in equity." He goes on to say, "This one lesson alone, if you fully understand it, can change your whole life by turning you into a very smart investor."

Yes, well, smart investors would not be attracted to Dodgy Dino, that's for sure.

Nevertheless, I was really looking forward to meeting him. I had everything ready. A photographer hiding in the hedge (always good to get a photo of these bods); my camcorder set to film him giving his spiel; but, most importantly, I had a list of 12 special questions for Dino.

Here they are…

1. Today, you (and your brother) spell your names Dino Livanidis and Terry Livanidis; however, back in 2003, you spelt your names Dino Levandis and Terry Levandis. Why have you changed the spelling of your names?

2. You write that you and your brother have "re-unit". Does this mean that you have bought a home unit together or did you mean to say "reunite"?

3. Back in 2003, you were using the names Heritage Financial Group and Heritage Property Group. Today, you are using the name Heritage Property Investment Group. Why have you changed the names under which you trade?

4. I notice that, as well as claiming to be property experts, you offer advice on how to buy shares and yet, in your report, you say that you are "not a financial planner". Why are you giving financial planning advice without a financial planning license? Aren't you worried about the authorities?

5. In your 'Ultimate Guide to Property Investment' you state, "the author, presenter, promoters will bear any responsibility." Did you mean to say "will not bear any responsibility"?

6. In 2005, in an interview for prospective tele-marketers, one of your managers told a group of applicants (yes, okay, I had a stooge in the crowd) that, "To sell real estate creatively, we have to create a problem, make them see the problem and show them how to fix it." Is this why you scare people about being poor in retirement?

7. Your manager also told the job applicants, "Capitalism is the legalisation of theft through profit, profit equals theft." Is this still your policy or was it just the opinion of this bloke who was hiring tele-marketers for you? His name was Joe Byrnes. Sometimes he spells it Joe Burns. [Love the way you guys use different spellings for your names.]

8. Speaking of profit and retirement, I have a complaint from an investor, a single woman, who claims she bought property from you that was massively over-priced (around $50,000 to $60,000 above its real value - and this was back in 2003).

Another investor tells me that when he had one of your so-called investment opportunities valued, the valuer described your activities as "a classic two-tier marketing scam". Admittedly that was also back in 2003. Have you changed your methods? Will you pay back the losses to the single lady? Please. She's really nice.

9. You say that you and your brother have been giving property advice since the 80s (your brother) and the 90s (yourself). That's ample time to have helped a huge number of people to a financially sound and successful retirement. Can I meet some of them?

After all, many years ago, you were using this line to attract investors, "Learn how to create massive wealth and financial security."

Got any results to back up that promise?

10. When you were giving seminars in Melbourne back in 2002 and 2003, you were members of the Real Estate Institute of Victoria (REIV). Their CEO, Enzo Raimondo, gives the impression that his members are not property spruikers. Are you still members of any Real Estate Institute?

11. If real estate is as wonderful as you claim, why are you spending so much time and making such a huge effort to sell it to mum-and-dad investors? Why don't you just buy it yourself? Sorry, you don't have to answer that one. It's too tough.

12. Do you feel stupid that you targeted me, Neil Jenman?

Yes, I had all these questions ready for Dino.

But, guess what?

The appointed time came and went but not a sign of Dino. He didn't show. Maybe he figured out who he'd targeted with his special, limited, once in a lifetime offer.

But hey, Dino, I have to tell you something. You've won. You've been specially selected to be among the cast of characters in my next book, Stitched! In fact, you are the hundred and fiftieth spruiker to be added to the cast.

Seeing as you didn't show up at my place, perhaps you can mail me a photo of yourself for inclusion in my book. Send it by email please. My wife doesn't like spruikers coming to our home.

And, finally, a word of advice to anyone who gets a similar phone call. Based on my research, if you make an appointment to meet Dino Livanidis (or whatever-he-calls-himself) you should hope that he doesn't show up.

Meanwhile, I think I'll buy some extra raffle tickets at the Wowan Pub this Friday night.

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